i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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