I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
