I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
