Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
