I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
