Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
