You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
