I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
