Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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