I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I enjoy the company of your penis
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