where am i from again
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
