We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
