this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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