Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I could make wine with my vomit
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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