thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
