If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
