found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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