she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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