i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
