So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
