I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
