Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
