last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
