my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
