I smell stomach acid.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
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I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
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You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.