He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.