how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
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i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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