What did we do last night that was yellow?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.