Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.