You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY