The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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