So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you