Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
