She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday