i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is