...so i touched it.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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