Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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