I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
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