It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
