My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
