I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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