I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
