I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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