You're completely useless in the revolution.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
