if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
