You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
