1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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