When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
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when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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