So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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