It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize