i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
