his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
