i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
