I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
