So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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