Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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