I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
