you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
