Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
