when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
