I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
