My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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