Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
