Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
