Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
The air taste purple.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
