Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
