I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We need to get me chipped asap
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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