my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Congratulations! We have a period
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
