Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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