My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
