I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
