is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
