I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
