just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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