No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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