Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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