My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize