they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Randomize
