Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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