Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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