I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
