You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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