how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
how does that bad decision feel?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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