I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
