How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
