Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
