I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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