i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
