Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
