I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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