idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
