i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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