he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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