i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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