all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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